What It Feels Like
by NoeiiStaf
Summary: Kensi is shot and Deeks is guilty for not protecting her. Hetty is able to get him to go be with her as he just walked away when he saw Kensi coming right out of her surgery


He could hear a couple of gunshots in a distance. Gasping, he looked up and saw that there were about three men onto the ground. Still pointing out his gun, Deeks walked closer inside the warehouse and right beside the jeep, Kensi was lying there, soughing and shaking.

"Kensi..." he said, quickly getting by her. He held her hand tightly, mumbling... "You're gonna be all right, okay? You'll be fine" He could see the fear in her eyes as little tears began forming. "Eric, we need an ambulance. Kensi's down"

"All right, all right... ambulance is five minutes out"

"Hang in there, all right? Help is on the way"

Kensi squeezed his hand tighter, kind of letting him no her pain. Deeks looked down to her wound, right under her chest. He looked back to her eyes again and saw that she was even more scared.

In about five minutes, he heard the blare of the ambulance and saw two paramedics approaching. He helped them getting her on a gurney and got in the ambulance with her. The drive to the hospital felt like it was taken hours. His heart was racing, not knowing what to do so he can help.

Outside the OR, Deeks was pacing around helplessly. From a distance, he could hear footsteps approaching him and saw Callen, Sam and Hetty walking towards him.

"How is she, Mr. Deeks?" Hetty asked.

"She's still in surgery. It's been almost an hour"

"What happened?" Callen asked.

"We walked into the warehouse. She told me that she was hearing something and we split up to cover all the base. Next thing I know is that five or six guys walked out and started shooting. I took a couple shots and two of them were down. I heard a couple of more shots then I saw her on the floor"

"Was Collins in there?" Sam asked.

"No... he must have gotten away because I heard a car outside the back"

Callen took a deep breath and placed his hand onto his hips. Deeks continued to walk about, lost in his thoughts when Hetty asked...

"Are you okay, Mr. Deeks?"

"Yeah, I'm fine" Deeks replied, sighing.

A couple of minutes later, a doctor approached them and the four of them stood straight.

"Any of you Henrietta Lange?"

"That would be me, doctor" Hetty spoke out.

"Um, Ms. Blye is just getting out of surgery. She lost a lot of blood. Luckily, the bullet missed the heart but hit the diaphragm right beneath it. She should be wheeled out in a minute or so"

"All right, thank you doctor" Hetty replied.

Deeks took a deep breath and looked down. Sam patted his back as he did the same. Callen walked around, looking towards Deeks as he sat back down, putting his head in his head. As the door opened, they all glanced at the gurney as it was wheeled out. Deeks looked direct at Kensi, with an apparent tear stroking down his cheek. Not wanting anyone to see him crying, he quickly wiped it and sniffled. Once Kensi was out of sight, Deeks stood up and mumbled...

"I'm just going..." and walked away from them.

When Sam attempted to go after him, Hetty quickly advised him...

"Let him be, Mr. Hanna"

Sam looked at her and after a few seconds nodded.

He didn't know how long he just stood there, staring blankly towards the people walking around. Deeks didn't seem to have lots of patience in these kind of situations because he found himself standing up and sitting down again every few minutes. He hated seeing anybody in that state and in his mind, especially Kensi. No matter how much she gets on his nerves, she was still his partner and deep inside, he really wished he was more than that.

Hetty, Sam and Callen were staring at her, sleeping soundly at the sound of the beeping coming from the machine right above the bed. Hatty was sitting down onto the small armchair while Sam was leaning against the door frame and Callen was sitting on the window still. Hetty had arranged everything for Kensi to have a private room and so, the visiting hours were kind of flexible.

She flickered her eyes to open, struggling as the lighting was a bit too bright.

"Hey... welcome back, sport" Callen whispered.

"What happened?" Kensi asked, barely heard.

"You were shot, Ms. Blye. But you're going to be just fine" Hetty replied, standing up from the chair.

Kensi gulped and they all could see that she was still in a little bit of pain.

"How are you feeling?" Sam asked, walking towards her.

"Not really good... where's Deeks?"

They all looked at each other and Hetty then responded...

"He'll be here in no time"

Kensi closed her eyes, kind of disappointed.

After a few minutes, Hetty, Sam and Callen headed outside so she could get some rest. Once they were downstairs, they all glanced about and saw Deeks sitting on one of the chairs, leaning his head onto the wall.

"Why don't you two go back to the warehouse? I'll talk to him" Hetty commented.

Sam and Callen looked at each other and walked away. In small steps, Hetty made her way towards Deeks who immediately recognized her as she sat beside him even though his eyes were closed.

"She asked for you"

Deeks put down his head and opened his eyes, sighing as he stared down his hands.

"You know, Mr. Deeks... even though something like this happens, we shouldn't blame ourselves"

Deeks inhaled and replied...

"I shouldn't have left her. They were too much, I should've protected her"

"Ms. Blye can easily take care of herself. Unfortunately, this time didn't actually work"

"The look she had in her eyes was..."

"Terrifying?" Hetty cut in.

Deeks shook his head, pursing his lips together.

"You would never realize how much someone means to you until something like this happens. Your life kind of flashes before your eyes and you would understand that. We're all suppose to look out for each other-"

"And, you did... it could've been way worse than this, Mr. Deeks. Ms. Blye is a good Agent... great even. No matter what happens, no one should forget that, not even you"

Deeks glanced at her but didn't say anything. Hetty smiled and stood up, grabbing her purse.

"Agent Blye looks up to you just as much as you do. The only person that should be there with her is you at the moment. You are sharing the same experience, Mr. Deeks. Not in the same way but, emotionally, you're both in this together"

Deeks stared at her as she walked away. Waiting a few other minutes, he stood up from where he was and walked over to the receptionist, asking where Kensi's room was. Getting the information, he walked upstairs once again and searched for the room.

Once he approached the room, Deeks took a deep breath before peeking inside. Kensi was still awake, looking through the window. She didn't realize at first that he was watching her but suddenly, she turned her head and he said...

"Hey, welcome back"

Kensi smiled as she saw him approaching towards her.

"How does it feel?"

"How does what feel?"

"Getting shot..."

"Pretty crappy..."

Deeks chuckled and commented...

"Want me to find you some hot nurse to give you a sponge bath?"

"That's your thing, not mine"

"That's what they're only good for"

Kensi chuckled but not for long as she felt a sharp, short pain in her chest.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked, seriously.

"Yeah, yeah... I'm fine. It's just... stiff"

Deeks nodded as he looked anywhere but towards her...

"I, uh... I'm sorry, about this. I wasn't-"

"It's not your fault"

"I know but-"

"Deeks, I mean it. Whatever happened, happened. Just leave it there, all right?"

He nodded as he brought the armchair closer to her bed and sat down.

"If you don't feel like eating, I'll be happy to take that jello out of your hands. You know, since you took mine, last time"

"I'm sure you wouldn't"

Deeks laughed as he heard that. He stared at her as she kept closing her eyes every few seconds. He knew what it felt like, being shot. He understood the pain that she was clearly feeling.


End file.
